Pathfinder Shenanigans

Well I play PF on a regular basis with all my mates, so we have some hilarious shit happen to us. So I thought I will share some of them with you guys.

Dun be afraid to share yours.

Game: northern exposure
GM: Dingo
Players: cowboy, CC, Skitz and Ladyman

We were in an abandoned township, in the far north. (Like we saw a red head and she said we knew nothing, far north)

The resident Paladins sensed evil and we responded. Which resulted in aggro-ing every ghost and gast in the township. There was that moment as the 'world war Z' reminiscent assault was baring down on us when we thought, "we're in trouble". Then the Paladins rolled some good checks and unleashed all of their channel energy abilities at once, effectively making a holy nuke.

PCs 1, Undead Horde -500

The Paladins then sensed evil again, it was still present, but larger, singular and void like in nature. It was beneath the town. We discovered that the town had a sewer system that was releasing methane gas, and allot of it. So we spent the rest of the day (air tight) sealing all the sewer hole points. Then we promptly lit a skeleton on fire and watched him run to the source. Next minute, there is an subterranean detonation, indicated but the township and the land it stood on, doming upwards before plunging into a fiery canyon.

The Paladins sensed evil again, there was not longer evil in the area. Just four adventures, an army of undead corpses, and "the biggest fire the north has ever seen".

The next session we found out that the township was actually a historical cultural heritage landmark. The lord was p@&&ed so we said sorry and covered the floor of his throne room with gold and jewels, emptying a chest of riches in front of him.

Now that I read it like that... yeaaaa. Our games get very silly don't they?

Just a little bit! Ahh, good times, good times.

It has been a busy month. I had wanted to write a few events that have occured. Where to start... Ok I will go with the incident called:

Shelving the Problem

This happens in the on going Adventure Path campaign I am running for a group of friends called the "Wrath of the Righteous". After being stuck underground for a week, the group had finally reached the surface only to find that the city they grew up in was overran with Demons.

After getting their bearings, they realized they were near a library which doubles as a gathering place for a secret sect of good wizards that specialize in the fighting of Demons. They get there only to find the library barely holding up. The group decided to err in the side of caution and approach the building slowly and quietly.

Our resident Wizard, Erran, knocked on the large wooden door. Being a Chronicler of Desna, he frequented many libraries in the city and knew most of the scholars and archivists in the city. When the person who answered the door, not only refused to open the door but also not recognize Erran. They all knew there was something strange here.

Without further delay, our Paladin of Iomedae, Tybalt, tackled the door open. Rolling high, the door swings wide and also sends the person who answered the door, a Tiefling looter, flying 15 feet back crashing into an armored man behind him.

Erran being a Diviner, foresaw the future (which allows him to act on a surprise round and also has an extremely high Initiative check), awaited for the Paladin to do his deed before he acted. When he saw the Tiefling and heavily armored men fumbling over each other (flat-footed), he casted the spell 'Create Pit' under them.

Of course being flat-footed amongst the fact of not having much of a reflex save to begin with, both men fell into the pit. The Tiefling, who had suffered initial damage from the door smashing his face, died instantly from the fall, leaving the Armored Man groaning in pain in the pit. However, even the Diviner did not expect what happened next.

Erran, upon seeing, his fellow colleagues bound and gagged in a corner, casted his spell in hopes to prevent the looters from taking the people hostage. He did not take into account the Armored Man standing right beside a large bookshelf, all libraries seem to have.

With the foundation of the shelf compromised, the shelf began to rock on the ledge. After a tense moment (and one % check later) the shelf leaned into the pit and toppled over. Falling into the pit right on top of the Armored Man.

The Armored Man was only mildly injured, unfortunately, the Shelf seemed to hold a grudge against the man for some reason and rolled not just one '20' to crit, but another '20' to confirm.

The Armored Man groaned and looked up just in time to see the shelf fall on top of him. The party members all heard a high pitched girly shriek come from the pit which was abruptly interrupted by a loud crash of splintering wood, followed by a large explosion of dust and paper.

All this happened, in the span... of one surprise round. The entire party looked at the Wizard as he gawks at the series of events that he had started. (At this time, the entire group were laughing so hard, we had to take a 10 minute break). The last remaining looter, stares at the fiasco that unfurled before him for a good long moment, and then at the party, then just dropped his weapon in numb surrender.

Once they had untied the librarians, Erran dispelled his pit. The party was rather surprised to see that aside from a few broken boards, the shelf was still fairly intact. They all also fell on the ground laughing when they saw that all that is left of the Armored Man, was his two feet sticking out from under the shelf, much like the Witch in the beginning of the Wizard of Oz.

We had to end the session there because one of the guys got a cramp from laughing too hard.

"We had to end the session there because one of the guys got a cramp from laughing too hard."

And THAT is why we play the game!

Plant Love

Same as the above game this take place in the "Wrath of the Righteous" game.

The group have traveled about the ruin city and were now tasked with clearing a few key buildings to aid in the effort to retake the city.

One of these places was a potions shop that may be a hideout for cultists. The group entered the shop to find it being looted by bandits. The group made quick work of the looters and went about investigating the place. The sharp eyed rogue spots a hidden door below the stairs and cautiously entered the secret passageway.

The hidden door leads to a basement containing a mechanical statue of a Marilith holding a flask of some strange liquids in front of a blood spattered symbol of Baphomet and a very visible glyph in front of the statue. The group approaches cautiously the survey the glyph and found that all it had was a Magic Mouth Spell. They thought the glyph may contain a message so they purposely activate the glyph only to find a mocking message left specifically for any goodly adventurers.

What they did not expect, was that the Statue was rigged to trigger when a specific word was spoken. The Magic Mouth ended its message with "All Hail the Might of Baphomet" triggering the statue to break the flask. The contents of the flask vaporizes into a thick mist causing many of the team to gag and choke from the mist.

Suddenly, the Diviner (who was able to avoid the effects of the mist) had a premonition (able to act on a surprise round) and saw a creature burrow from underground and makes a jump at him.

Erran (high Initiative) bolts for the other end of the room. When the creature burrowed out to attack Erran, he was only met with empty air, confusing the creature. Upon seeing it's target all the way at the other side of the room. The creature, a Mandragora, chased after him.

This action wasted the surprise round of the Madragora and allowed the others the chance to ready for battle and practically dog piled the plant. It had other plans though, and gave a piercing scream that nauseated most of the group. Only Erran and the resident Witch (male) were unaffected while the rest started to wretch.

The Mandragora kept trying to go after Erran, but he seemed to always be out of reach. Finally after getting badly scorched by the spell, the plant gave up and turned his attention towards the witch, Soran, who had been staying at a corner laughing at the failure of the plant (cackling hex). In a rage, the mandragora lunged towards Sorran, latching itself across his face and blinding him.

By this time, the rest of the group had stopped with their dry heaving and got back to the task at hand... Only to see the resident witch (male) have a facehugger with leaves wrapped around his head.

The group was at a loss at what to do, as they fear accidentally hitting Sorran. Only Erran had an idea. He pulled out a wand of Magic Missile and shot at the Mandragora unerringly.

Unfortunately, from within the the wrappings of the Mandragora, unable to see anything, all Sorran could sense, was repetitive bumps and the sound "Thump! Thump! Thump!'

Causing Sorran to go, "What is it doing!!? Oh God! OH GOD!!!! IT'S HUMPING MY FACE!!! IT'S RAPING MY FACE!!!!!!"

... and starts screaming hysterically and running around the small enclosed room.

Out of game, everyone was laughing like maniacs.

The Mandragora began to use its vampiric ability and at the same time began to use it's vines to whip (for... rp purposes) Sorran, while Erran launch another barrage of missiles, making him scream hysterically,

"Oh Gods!!! It's making me his bitch!!! Its slapping my ass and raping my face!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!"

After another round (and many pauses to stop laughing and failing to do so), the Mandragora died after being hit by another series of magic missiles, causing it to tense up and twitch.

Of course, Sorran once again mistakes what is happening for... something else, causing him to scream in despair.

That day, Sorran the Witch(Male) gains the drawback 'Phobia: Facehugger, er I mean.,Mandragora'

Most of us were laughing so hard we could not make coherent speech.

so we were missing a player for our usual beast campaign, so we ran a goblin game instead...  it is with great delight that i bring you, the adventures of ...

Drusk the Thunder Feaster and Mox the Rabbit Fondler!

drusk: placed by afro-matt, is the strong goblin, armed with a club and a pungent oder
mox: played by MrJellopy, is the goblin wat follows animal feet prints, armed with a sling and a great urge to survive

the two have been sent by 'big boss' to fetch food so he might eat it all himself share it amongst his people!

first night: our two heroes began by tracking a deer, instead they found an angry raccoon, they defeated the mighty thief-rodent and wore its skull as a hat, its pelt used as a cape by Drusk. the meats were devoured by both goblins. after feasting, the two heroes staggered on, finding the deers lost trail, they eventually found the deer on the other end of a clearing. Drusk decided stealth was the best option and quietly hid in some shrubs...meanwhile Mox, startled by suddenly being alone in the big scary world (rolled a one(1) on his hide, and failed to keep his composure) decided screaming was his best option, scaring off the deer.

after this failure our heroes marched on, determined not to return empty handed! they soon found a strange cave with smooth walls covered in hooman scribles (tome of an ancient king) and were drawn into its depths by the smell of roast! they raided some strange boxes left lying on stone tables (coffins) and found a neat dagger. they stealthed around a corner and found a hob goblin roasting a hooman. the scene went as follows

drusk: "we should leave"
hob-goblin: *rolls an 18 and hears him, doesnt know where he is* "leave where?"
drusk: "uuhhhhh...here...its haunted" *18 on bluff*
Mox: "oooOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOOooooooo"
hob-goblin: (now terrified) "I DONT BELIEVE YOU! YOU LIE SPIRITS!"
Mox: *throws skeleton into room with hob-goblin*
Hob-Goblin: *flee's in terror*

following looted:
- half a roasted hooman
- 10 shiny discs (silver coins), 2 shiny red rocks (rubys)
- 1 medium sized breast plate
- great club (for a goblin)
- belt
- boots
meat, coins, gems, and breast plate were given as tribute to 'big boss'

second night:

heroes go searching for more meat, by chance they spot a thylacine before it sees them, they hide in a tree and pelt it with rocks until Drusk is able to fall on it club first, killing it. another skull hat and pelt cape is acquired, old gear given to mox, thylacine corpse dragged back to 'big boss'.

goblins head out, mox needs more rocks for his sling (rolls a 1 on finding good rocks), finds rocks full of goo up a tree, two goblins share a goo rock and are promptly attacked by a blood hawk that wants its eggs back. blood hawk is beaten, feathers used as skull hat decoration, meat thrown in meat sack.

heroes continue along, stumble upon rabbit warren, murder 1 rabbit, others scatter into warren. heroes attack by 2 more blood hawks (angry that the goblins scared off their prey), blood hawks killed and thrown in meat sack. drusk doesnt feel well, rubs dirt in his wounds and continues. goblins decide to dig out rabbit warren, 2 more rabbits are acquired, as well as 5 rabbit babies, Mox has a grand idea to breed the rabbits for food, other rabbits join blood hawks in meat sack.

dawn is approuching, our heores attempt a shortcut home, find a hooman cottage, 3 sheep mill about in side pen. drusk raids the stone shed and finds rope, mox ties the rope to the sheep and leads them home, carefully covering their tracks. drusk and mox welcomed as heroes, feasting begins.

third night: heroes head in another direction, eventually spot a tall tower in the distance...and a much smaller one very close by covered in glowing squiggles (obsidian totem). Mox listens to the rock and hears it hum, he then decides to lick the humming rock, his tongue is now numb. Drusk wants to take the strange stone home and attempts to knock it from its podium, mox helps by tripping and crashing into the stone, retching it out of its socket in the podium. Drusk stands where the stone was 1 second ago and is struck by lightning, amazingly he survives.

the two goblins return with the stone which is confirmed to be magical when the resident mage goblin licks it as well, a naming ceremony is begun!

drusk is given the name of Thunder Feaster, for its believed that he ate the lightning...he claims it tasted of copper.

Mox is given the name of Rabbit Fondler in recognition for his plans to farm rabbits!

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also im just gonna leave this here